‘Head Coverings’ in 1 Corinthians 11:4-16

Is this passage saying that a woman is to wear a head covering while praying in public? Or is it saying that her hair is her covering?

Paul is advocating biblical manhood and womanhood here. He wants men to be men and women to be women, with headship built into masculinity and submission built into femininity (Paul expresses and builds this doctrine in Ephesians 5). In first century Greece (Paul’s context here in 1 Corinthians 11), masculine headship and feminine submission were expressed through head coverings.

A covered head (usually a veil that covered, at least, a woman’s hair), in first century Greece , was a “symbol of authority on her head” (11:10). It expressed to others that this woman was committed to and in submission to her husband. In other words, a covered head was a cultural expression of biblical womanhood (similar to an engagement and wedding ring today).

Because head coverings expressed biblical womanhood, Paul commands men not to wear them – “Every man who prays or prophesies with his head covered dishonors his head” (11:4). In other words – “Men, be men!” “Women, be women!” Today, Paul would say something like this – “Every man who wears girl’s jeans and listens to Elton John (at the same time) dishonors his head.”

This principle remains true today, though the cultural expression of it will vary. When we see a woman without a veil and her hair down we don’t assume that she has left the headship of her husband and is available to other men. But a godly woman will pay attention to the cultural expressions of today and use them to communicate that she is in submission to her husband. She won’t show up with no wedding ring and a tight shirt with a plunging neckline (because that will say today what a veil-less woman would have said 2000 years ago).

There is another point worth making. The church today is fighting these same battles. Christian feminists today are echoing their sisters in first century Corinth. There message is that the coming of Jesus has abolished role distinction between men and women. “Women are no longer called to be submissive to their husbands and husbands are no longer called to be heads of their wives.” This is a popular message in many egalitarian circles today – and it’s an unbiblical one. Paul’s counter punch is to quote Genesis and remind people (then and now) that this distinction is creational and still ‘in effect’ (11:8).

Post-cross Corinth and post-cross America should listen to Paul. Men and women should express, in culturally relevant ways, their commitment to biblical manhood and womanhood.

Confronting Sin in a Husband

Male & Female He Created them, Question of the Week, Week 1

First, thanks to those of you who submitted questions and for those who voted.  Keep them coming, I look forward to some lively biblical discussion over the next 3 months.

First, I will answer the basic question, then spend some time addressing the scripture referenced in the question, and spend the rest of the time qualifying my answer.

The question was: Is it ever appropriate, and if so when and with what language, tone, etc. for a woman to confront her husband when he is in sin? 1 Peter 3:1 says, “Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct (ESV).” I know that that verse is usually applied to unbelieving husbands but I am curious as to whether it is also true for a believing husband who is disobeying God’s Word in one way or another. Is it ever ok for a wife to approach her husband about his sin? Because of a woman’s tendency to nag, is it possible that women may do this too early on and would be better off praying and waiting on the Lord in remaining faithful in our own personal battle with sin? At what point should a wife go to the husband with scripture in an effort to lovingly rebuke?

The basic question then is, is it ever appropriate for a wife to confront her husband if she believes that he is in sin.  My answer to that is a resounding, YES.  Several reasons: 1-before you were married to your husband, he was your brother in Christ.  That relationship is still in existence, he is both your brother in Christ and your husband.  Hence, all the principles of Matthew 18 regarding confronting a brother who is in sin apply.  Next, your job description as a wife, as described in Genesis 2:18 is one of “helper suitable”.  It is not helpful to see your husband in some sort of a sin, and not try to rescue him from that sin through loving, compassionate, respectful confrontation.  A wife will see things in her husband’s life that no one else sees.  She may be able to see her husband slipping into sin long before anyone else can.  She could provide very valuable help to him by going to him in love, scripture in hand, to confront him.

In regards to 1 Peter 3:1, this scripture is a reference to how an unbelieving husband of a believing wife may be (in the words of John Calvin) “allured to the faith” by the witness of a wife’s example.  It also does not prohibit a wife from speaking, but rather emphasizes the importance of actions over words.  From my cursory study, I would say that it is a misapplication of the scripture to apply it to a believing husband who is in sin.   In this context to “disobey the word” is to be an unbeliever, not a believer who is in sin.

That said, I will now spend the rest of my time on the “how to” of confrontation.  In order to truly be “helpful” and not a “cancer” in your husband’s life, the way confrontation is done is of utmost importance.  Here are some principles I hope you’ll find helpful.  I’ll say with sadness that I have learned the hard way in regards to many of the following suggestions.  It is my hope to save some of you from the trouble I have caused at times in my own marriage.

1-   Let love cover lots and lots of minor offenses.  As 1 Peter 4:8, quoting from Proverbs 10:12 tells us, we ought to “let love cover over a multitude of sins.”  Take time to think through if it is worth confronting, or if it would be better to just pray for him.  An example of a time just to keep silent and pray might be if your husband has an awful day at work and then is short with you when he gets home.  Rather than confronting him over his lack of gentleness or improper tone with you, it may be better just to pray for him, serve him and love him back into a good mood.  It may be that he asks your forgiveness later anyways, after he was won over by your softness with him.  Lots and lots of tenderness and grace should characterize your relationship with your husband.

2-   Timing is everything.  If you felt he was too harsh with one of your children during some disobedience last night, do not call him in the middle of the morning at work to hash it out.  Be patient, hold your tongue and wait for the appropriate and most helpful time to address the matter.

3-   Not to use a bunch of pop psychobabble, but do not be passive aggressive.  Address the problem directly. Do not make comments here and there, hoping he will just “get it”.  Always avoid sarcasm.

4-   Don’t nit pick.  Ask yourself, “Is this sin, or is this just a difference of opinion between us?”  It is ok to discuss differences in opinion.  But it is arrogant to treat a difference in preference or opinion as sin on his part.

5-   Your approach should be characterized by gentleness (Gal 6:1) and helpfulness (Genesis 2:18) If you notice something, take some time to pray.  If you believe him to be in sin, find an appropriate moment and gently say to him, “Honey, I noticed _______. I was concerned for you because the scripture says that, _______.  Is there anything I can do to help you?”

6-   Proverbs 15:1 “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”   If you regularly find that when you bring up sin in your husbands life, that a fight erupts, you may need to carefully examine your timing, methods, countenance, and tone.

7-   Do not get cold with him because he is struggling.  This is the opposite of the gospel: “While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us…” Romans 5:8

8-   Be quick to confess and repent yourself.  If you find yourself looking down on your husband when he is in sin, you probably have too high a view of yourself and your own sin.

9-   Stay on point!  Do not bring up past sin. (Even past occurrences of the current sin you may be confronting) If you are tempted to do this, you may need to repent of keeping a record of wrongs against your husband. Love does not keep a record of wrongs. (1 Cor.13:5)

I recently experienced being lovingly, gently confronted.  The scripture says that  it  is the kindness of the Lord that brings us to repentance (Romans 2:4), and in this situation, my husband demonstrated such kindness, that it made it much easier for me to come to repentance.  Erik had noticed that I was being short tempered and snappy with the children in the morning on a day he was home.  Later that morning, he said to me, “You seem stressed, do you have a minute so we can talk and I can pray for you?”  I sat down, and then he said, “I noticed you were being impatient with the kids this morning.  When you and I have talked before, you have said that you don’t want to do this,  I want to pray for you and help get you back on track.”  He was literally rescuing me when I was starting to spiral into sin.  He saved me from continuing to sin against my children the rest of the day.  What a blessing!  I was embarrassed at the time, but also thankful.  He prayed for me and the rest of the day went much better.   This is the kind of helpful confrontation you want to provide to your husband.  I so often quote Proverbs 14:1 to women.  A wise woman builds her house!  We have the power to build up or tear down our households.  Our husbands are the head of our household- and their building up is very important.  Gentle, respectful, restorative confrontation will build up.  Sarcasm, coldness, and nit picking will tear down.

Hope the scriptures minister to all of you gals on this issue.  Blessings as you suitably help your husbands.  Please send me any follow up questions.

Love & blessings to you from your sister in Christ.

Kristen