Tending Our Crowns

Proverbs 12:4 “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband…”

Last spring, Proverbs 12:4 really came alive to me.  In the past I would read it and think to myself that of course I have an excellent wife because she is a Christian and Jesus automatically makes Christian wives “excellent.”  This verse didn’t convict me or motivate me to tend to my wife in any way.  Shortly after our second son was born, this verse really began to convict me and it has since shined light on a path that I previously neglected.

Thanks to our total depravity, it is impossible to fellow Jesus on our own.  We are absolutely dependent on the Holy Spirit to convict us of sin (John 16:8) and open our eyes to truth (Proverbs 2:6-7, 9-10).  My hope is that by God’s grace this might resonate with some of you and the Holy Spirit might open some eyes as we learn to honor Christ in our marriages.

I have learned that tending to my crown (Erika) needs to be a daily, conscious effort in order for it to be done in a God honoring way.  If you are like me, you often have good ideas on how to let your wife know she is loved, however, these ideas are prone to flee if you don’t write them down and make them happen.  James 1:22 says, “Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.”  Taking that principal, husbands so often “deceive themselves” by not “doing” what they have planned. The typical excuses are usually: 1) I don’t have the money, 2) I don’t know how to put the plan into action (too lazy to make reservations, etc.), or 3) I’m good for now…she knows I love her.

The more I meditate on the fact that my wife is my crown, these thoughts arise:

1)      The better I treat my wife the more lovely she will be.

2)      My wife is a walking, talking display of what kind of a husband I am.

3)      When I neglect my wife, it’s akin to having a dented, tarnished crown atop my head that all can see.

4)      Everything Erika says and does rests as a crown upon my head- even in my absence.

5)      My wife is a gift from God that, like a crown, has been formed only for me.

These truths should motivate us to study our wives.  One of the best ways to study your wife is to take her out on dates where you can talk and enjoy each other.  Some of these dates should be cheap so that you can honor God by living within the means He has provided for your family, and some of these dates should be expensive (budgeted far in advance) so that you can honor your wife by spoiling her with things she loves.

Veritas husbands should often meditate on Proverbs 12:4 and figure out how best we can tend to our crowns.

Pepper Potts, a helper most suitable.

Genesis 2:18 as expressed in Popular Culture: Pepper Potts, a helper most suitable.

The Lord God said, “It is not good for man to be alone, I will make a helper suitable for him.”  Genesis 2:18

Whether or not women at large embrace it, the truth is that it is built in our DNA to help.  If we look around society, we see that in large part women fill the helping professions: nurses, dental hygienists, personal assistants, administrative assistants, nutritionists, and the list goes on.  While the kind of help that a wife will provide to her husband in marriage is quite exclusive to that relationship, we can see from common observation that women everywhere tend to be naturally inclined toward helping roles.  It is a beautiful thing for the  family, the church and  all of society when women, in the context of marriage, take their God-given desire to help seriously- and therefore faithfully, diligently work towards being a Genesis 2:18, “helper suitable” kind of wife.

That said, nearly ten years into my marriage, I felt like I was supremely failing in this role when I was convicted of my need to grow in “helpfulness” while watching Iron Man.  It probably sounds like I am about to make a joke, but I am not.   Gwyneth Paltrow plays Pepper Potts, personal assistant to Tony Stark (who becomes Iron Man).  Miss Potts diligently, faithfully and proficiently helps weapons manufacturer, Tony Stark throughout the movie.  As I watched Ms. Paltrows portrayal of the role of Miss Potts, I thought to myself (no joke- and yes I know I am a total nerd), “Wow, she has purposed to do Iron Man,  ‘ good and not harm all the days of her life’ {Proverbs 31:12}. “

In the occasion of marriage, women ought to consider the biblical calling to “help” a high and holy honor.  In the scriptures, we find many occasions where God, our Creator, is called our helper. Psalm 118: 7 says, “The LORD is with me; he is my helper. I will look in triumph on my enemies.”   Too often I have found myself irritated when Erik needs help of one kind of another.  How sinful and deceived I am in those moments!  I have always been of the “pull yourself up by your boot straps” mentality, (raised by a dad just one generation out of the depression era).  If there is a problem, fix it!  Something disorganized, organize it!  An obstacle, find a way around it!  While at times that sense of determination can serve me well, at other times it can make me uncompassionate, insensitive and unhelpful.  God says that man needs help- and I have been appointed by God to be a helper.  When I entered the covenant of marriage, I was commissioned to embrace the role of “helper suitable”

Check out the following conversation between Miss Potts and Mr. Stark:

Virgina ‘Pepper’ Potts: I don’t think you could tie your shoes without me.

Tony Stark: I’d make it a week.

Virginia ‘Pepper’ Potts: A week, really? What’s your social security number?

Tony Stark: [he pauses]

Tony Stark: Five…

Virginia ‘Pepper’ Potts: [smiling] “Five?” You’re missing just a couple of digits.

Tony Stark: Right, the other eight. Well, I have you for the other eight.

Through out the movie, Pepper handles all sorts of business for Mr Stark, ranging from saving his life, to arranging his travel itinerary.  She is proficient and dignified in carrying out her duties, and it got me thinking, that I ought to see to my duties as a little more like Miss Potts did hers. A ridiculous way to be reminded of a biblical lesson?  Maybe.  But a good reminder, nonetheless.

Is Church Membership Biblical?

There is considerable controversy (amongst Christians) over church membership today.  Many don’t see a Biblical precedence for it.  The common arguments go like this:

“I’m already a member of Christ’s Church, why do I have to join a church.”  “Where in the Bible does it tell me to join a church?”  “The institutional church is corrupt.”  “I am the Church.”

Good luck finding the phrase “join a church” in the Bible.  You won’t.  It’s not there.  But that doesn’t mean that church membership is not a Biblical reality.  A good hermeneutical (fancy word for Bible study) approach acknowledges that Biblical realities need not be explicitly stated within the text.  For example, the term “trinity” never appears in Scripture, but it has for two millenniums been accepted as a foundational Biblical doctrine.

So for anyone on the fence, I’m going to make a case here for church membership by making two assertions:  1) the local church is a Biblical reality, and 2) membership in the local church is a Biblical reality.

First, the local church is a Biblical reality.  By local church, I mean an identifiable and organized local expression of the universal Church.  Surely it’s more than that, but it’s at least that.

The universal Church (Greek ekklesia) is not an event or venue.  The Church is a people; God’s people who love and trust Him (i.e. faith).  Specifically, the Church is the people who, for and from all time, have been divinely chosen (election by God the Father), reconciled (atonement by Jesus the Son) and loved (effectual grace by God the Spirit) into loving and trusting God (1 John 3:16).

The Church, then, is global (people from all places) and timeless (people from all times).  This has historically been called the Universal Church, or the Invisible Church.  Therefore, when we call Veritas a “church,” we mean a local community that is representative of a global and timeless community – people gathered here in Roseville who have been divinely loved into loving and trusting God.

A local church is a smaller, identifiable body of Christians in a given community.  For example, Paul writes to “the church in Corinth” (1 Cor. 1:1), “the churches of Galatia” (Gal. 1:2), and “the church of the Thessalonians” (1 Thess. 1:1).  In his letter to Corinth, he even refers to “all the churches” (1 Cor. 14:33).  To be sure, Paul is writing to members of the universal Church, but more specifically, he is writing to members of local churches.  He writes to specific Christians in a specific church regarding specific issues.

As well, these local churches were organized in, at least, the following ways:

• These local churches gathered together weekly for formal worship (Acts 2:42; 1 Cor. 11:18).
• These local churches worshipped on a specific day (Acts 20:7; 1 Corinthians 16:2).
• These local churches had order and structure to their services (1 Cor. 14:26ff).
• Each local church had identified leaders, called elders (synonymous with shepherds, overseers, and pastors)  (1 Tim. 3:1; Acts 14:23).
• Each local church appointed deacons to serve the elders and free them up for prayer and preaching (Acts 6:3-4; Philippians 1:1).
• Organized collections were taken in local churches and money was used to support ministry as well as those enduring financial hardship (1 Cor. 16:2; 1 Tim. 5:17-18).
• The local church administered the sacrament of communion regularly and formally (1 Cor. 11:33-34).

Second, membership in the local church is a Biblical reality.  By membership, I mean a numbered, identifiable group of people committed to Christ and one another.  This is distinct from the universal Church.

If it is clear from Scripture that the local church is a reality, then who constitutes these local churches?  At Veritas, we call them church members.  Perhaps there is another word we could use, but that is the word we choose for this Biblical reality.  Namely, these local churches were comprised of a numbered, identifiable, committed group of Christians who were in covenant to Christ and one another.

I submit the following Biblical observations about the church and would ask how they would carry any significance apart from the local church being comprised of committed members.

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The church is called to discipline its members.

If church membership does not exist, then who is responsible for exhorting a believer in sin and ultimately rendering a judgment about their standing within the community (“let him be to you as…”)?  Would this be the responsibility of anyone who walks in off the street and says, “I’m a Christian?”

Matthew 18:15-17

If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. 16But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. 17If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.

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The church may excommunicate a member.

If church membership does not exist, how is someone kicked out of a church?

1 Corinthians 5:12-13

For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge? 13God judges those outside. “Purge the evil person from among you.”

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Christians are required to submit to their leaders.

If church membership does not exist, then who are these leaders Christians are to submit to?  Is it all leaders of all churches?  And who are leaders to lead?  Are leaders to lead all Christians in a city?  Are they called to administer church discipline over individuals who participate in another church?

I would submit that some sort of an agreement, covenant, or commitment (i.e. membership) precedes a person’s submission to leaders.  And how is this Biblical portrait of leadership and submission going to work if there is no membership defining who is committed to leading and who is committed to being led?

1 Timothy 5:17

Let the elders who rule well be considered worthy of double honor, especially those who labor in preaching and teaching.

Hebrews 13:7, 17

Remember your leaders, those who spoke to you the word of God. Consider the outcome of their way of life, and imitate their faith.

Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with groaning, for that would be of no advantage to you.

1 Thessalonians 5:12-13

We ask you, brothers, to respect those who labor among you and are over you in the Lord and admonish you, 13and to esteem them very highly in love because of their work. Be at peace among yourselves.

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Pastors are required to care for their flock.

Does Scripture teach that all pastors are charged to care for the entire flock of God – the universal Church?  Or does Scripture teach that pastors are required to care for a specific flock?  If membership does not exist, then how is this flock identifiable?

Acts 20:28

Pay careful attention to yourselves and to all the flock, in which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers, to care for the church of God, which he obtained with his own blood.

1 Peter 5:2-3

shepherd the flock of God that is among you, exercising oversight, not under compulsion, but willingly, as God would have you; not for shameful gain, but eagerly; 3not domineering over those in your charge, but being examples to the flock.

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I do not see any believers in the New Testament who are not accountable members of a local church in the way I have pointed out above.

“Lone-Ranger Christians are a contradiction because becoming a Christian means being united to Christ, and union with Christ expresses itself in union with a local body of believers”  (John Piper).

It is not honoring to God for a Christian to dismiss the local church and become his own authority and gather around him his own “church” – which will typically unite on some sort of mission or agenda, and not Christ.  A Christian who seeks to honor Christ will submit himself/herself to the authority of a local church which sits under the authority of Jesus.  If it was good enough for Paul, it’s good enough for us.

To summarize all the above points, I think the New Testament teaching about church government and church discipline would be meaningless if some form of commitment to mutual accountability in a body of believers was not expected.  Again, we call that commitment membership.

Recently, I told people in our church to get off the fence and become members.  If they didn’t want to become members I encouraged them to leave (to become members somewhere else).  I know some took that the wrong way and felt it was harsh and unbiblical. Hopefully, what I’ve written above brings clarity.  I believe church membership is the commitment believers are required to make to a local church, where they can grow with one another, while in submission to leaders appointed by Christ.  So my encouragement is for all believers to find a place where they can make this sort of a commitment.  If it’s not Veritas, they should go find leaders they can submit to, and people they can love, and join.

Growing in Grace

2 Peter 3:18 “But grow in the knowledge and grace of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.”

1 Corinthians 15:10 “But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain.  On the contrary, I worked harder than any of them, though it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me.”

Over the past year these 2 verses have really jumped out of the Bible and stuck with me.  Growing in grace has until recently been a concept that rarely came to mind.  When I was an adolescent the word grace was only used in my home to describe feminine qualities (i.e. gracefulness).  Even the giver of grace in my childhood religion was a woman.  After confessing my sins to my priest he would prescribe me 10 Hail Mary’s to absolve my sins.  Hail Mary, for those of you who don’t know, begins with “hail Mary full of grace.”  In Catholicism the word grace, to me, was some sort of a mystical word that I never really grasped.  My childhood mind envisioned the word grace as a protective blanket that the priest would coat us with to keep us from harm.  Grace, now understood correctly, is a word that is so deep, so rich, and is so interwoven into every area of life that I agree with Newton when he rightfully called it Amazing Grace.

I have found that grace, much like the gospel, is multifaceted and recently I have discovered a side of grace that has changed my life. This newly discovered side is the active, hard working, long suffering side of grace.  Now before I go any further I think it is important to note that grace comes from God and it cannot be earned.  While we are dependent on God’s grace we still are responsible for how we spend the time the God has given us. 

I have learned that it is by the hard work of stepping into battles that Christians grow.  Most often it is during our times of trials, when the dark clouds set in, and conviction of sin grows most fierce; this is when grace storms in to rescue us (1 Peter 1:6-7; 4:12-13, 19; 5:9-10).  These trials are meant to drive us to seek shelter in God (Psalm 91:1-4), have communion with God in prayer (Hebrews 4:16), and search for wisdom and answers in the Bible (Proverbs 2:1—11); and it is here, after the hard work is done, that grace shines brightest (Jeremiah 31:2; Psalm 119:67, 71).

For me, as a Christian man, the word grace is an active military word.  Christians are compared to soldiers (2 Timothy 2:3) and we are in a real fight (Ephesians 6:10-20).  Grace is the gun in our hand. It’s the strength that holds our feet steady in battle, and it’s the wisdom in knowing when to fight.    Everyday Christian men are deployed on multiple missions.  We fight to win ground at our jobs.  We fight in pursuit of our wives.  We fight against our sin and to be in a right relationship with God.  We fight in searching for wisdom in the Bible.  We fight to win over our kids, family, friends, and neighbors for Jesus.  We fight to defend, uphold, and proclaim truth.  We fight for our church family with prayers and support, and we fight with words of hope and rebuke.  Each battlefield is designed, by grace, to conform us into the image and likeness of Jesus Christ (Romans 8:29).

As Christian men when we hear the word grace we should think of action.  Hear Paul’s words when he wrote “But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain.  On the contrary, I worked harder than any of them, though it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me.” (1 Corinthians 15:10)  Paul clearly did work harder than most, but he knows that all credit goes to grace, and none to the work of his own hands.

I believe it is safe to say that it was grace that nailed Jesus to the cross, and that grace applied his blood to our account.  It was grace that woke us up from death, and grace opened our ears to his gospel.

For years I spoke of grace as a last minute, barely sliding in, uninvolved, passive word.  In community college, the first time I took statistics I earned an F.  The second time I took it I passed with a D.  Both times I barely studied, stayed out way too late the nights before tests, complained bitterly about having to take the class, and missed as many classes as I could without being dropped.  It was at times like this- when I would pass by the skin of my teeth- this is when I would say “I passed by the grace of God.”  While that is a true statement it is akin to an Atheist saying “Jesus was a good man.”  While that is a true statement, its lack of any mention of Jesus’ deity causes the Atheist to miss the mark.  When we apply the word grace to coat over our laziness it too robs from the true meaning of the word and so misses the mark.  When we think of grace it should drive us into studying hard, praying hard, thinking hard, planning hard, and in Paul’s words working “harder than any of them.”  It is with tired hands, poured out spirits, taxed minds, and exhausted energy that we, with Paul, should say “by the grace of God I (insert accomplishment), and his grace toward me was not in vain.  On the contrary, I worked harder than any of them, though it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me.”

It is by grace alone that we are not left in our sin; but instead we were stolen from the enemy (Luke 11:21-22), brain washed (Romans 12:2), and were given a set number of days to redeem the time for our King (Ephesians 5:15-16). I would like to end this with a challenge for us men to seek out, take hold of, and put on grace in every area of our lives.

Let’s commit to studying our Bibles intelligently (with purpose, with a concordance, commentaries, and asking questions) and studying other books recommended by godly men.  It was a pastor friend of mine that recommended I read Mark Chanski’s, Manly Dominion.  This book, along with a thorough study of the Doctrines of Grace, has opened up my eyes to the truth I wrote about above.   I recommend that all of the men of Veritas read Manly Dominion, study the Doctrines of Grace, and learn for themselves what it means to grow in the knowledge and grace of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.