Modern Family: A Generation of Al Bundys & Caillous

Like most parents, Erika and I spent hours and hours researching names for our boys before they were born.  We bought the books, bookmarked the websites, and combed through church history to try and find fitting names for our boys.  For our first son we chose the name Deacon which means “a servant leader.”  In our home, we place high value on leading by serving others because our leader, Jesus, set the perfect example (Matthew 20:16, 28).

For our second son we chose the name Emmett which means “hardworking.”  This is a quality that we believe our generation has lost.  Hard work is left for past generations and, like water, men today are seeking the path of least resistance in every area of life.  The motto of college graduates is “the day I find a job I love is the last day I will have to work.”  That sounds cute but it’s a shame when young men seek jobs they love over more challenging jobs that would allow them to provide well for their future families.  Since Emmett is only 10 months old he is exempt from hard work, but his 2 year old brother is already learning the disciplines of table manners, cleaning up after playtime, battling his sin with prayer and help from mommy and daddy, along with various other “duties” that are appropriate for a toddler.

Our present day culture as seen through the eyes of Hollywood is altogether void of Deacons (servant leaders) and Emmetts (hardworking men).  Instead, early morning TV shows promote boys like Caillou- a whining, complaining boy whose father and mother wear interchangeable baggy sweaters.  While evening TV shows promote either chauvinist men like Al Bundy’s character in Modern Family or passive men like all of his sons.  Where can you find a man who leads by serving and works hard to provide well for his family? 

Even in the church you won’t find many Deacons and Emmetts.  Instead, you will find a sea of Caillous and Al Bundys.  The problem is that most men don’t have examples of servant leaders or hardworking men in their lives so they don’t really know what this looks like.  Furthermore, when situations arise where servant leadership and hard work are both necessary, most of the time men sit back and watch the women in their lives (wives and mothers) step in to take the lead.

We live in a generation where men scoff at the notion of getting a second job even if the purpose is as important as making sure that mommy can stay at home to raise the kids.  Since when did men become exempt from working 2 jobs? 

Unfortunately, our culture and the church cater to Caillous and Al Bundys and, as a result, girls are raised to believe they need to be completely self-reliant because they are bound to marry someone who won’t be able to pull the weight of his own family.  Men are no longer expected to provide well for their families as 1 Timothy 5:8 admonishes, while women are expected to come to the marriage with a dowry (a nice car, current wardrobe, and no debt) and a college degree so that she can continue to provide financially as long as they both shall live. 

Deacons and Emmetts work diligently trusting that God will provide all of their needs through their hard work (Proverbs 10:4).  Deacons and Emmetts trust that God will use them to provide shelter, food, and luxuries for their families and that He will use their hard work to fund the church through tithes and offerings too. 

Staying true to my blog title, I think it’s about time to peer a bit deeper into the total depravity of men.  I believe the real problem is that all men are naturally born with either the DNA of Caillou or Al Bundy.  Like lemmings, all men follow each other towards the cliffs of passivity or chauvinism.  We either cling to mommy’s apron strings or we curse her out and become her greatest grief (Proverbs 17:25).  I challenge you to search all 300 channels tonight to find 1 actor who portrays the qualities of being both a hard worker and a servant leader. 

Erika and I chose names for our boys that, by God’s grace, they will learn to grow into.  Our hope is that they will learn at a young age to kill the little Caillou or Al Bundy that is growing in them, tempting them to be passive or chauvinistic.  As a grown man I know the effects of these sins when they are left unchecked.  If left unchecked these sins will grow with them and, like all sin, they will lead to death in their homes- death of fellowship with their bride, kids, and relationship with God.      

1 Timothy 4:16 challenges us to guard our life and doctrine closely.  In 1 Timothy 4:6-8 we are told to be trained in godliness, “for while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come.”  Learning to lead by serving and working hard is what we need men to do in their homes, jobs, and churches.  My hope is that men who follow after Jesus will follow his example so that our modern families will begin to reflect more attributes of Jesus and less attributes of Al Bundy, Caillou, Adam Sandler, Will Farrell, Mel Gibson….and the list goes on. 

A couple resources that will help to kill the Caillou or Al Bundy in you are Mortification of Sin by John Owen and Manly Dominion by Mark Chanski.