Men of Our Word

Matthew 5:37 “Simply let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.”

As a salesperson, I have tried to convince thousands of business owners to buy everything from water (I sold Alhambra door-to-door), to paper (coupons door-to-door), to air (radio ads).  I learned early on that there are 2 kinds of business owners  I really like – those that say “yes” and those that say “no.”  The problem is the vast majority of people fall into an uncommitted, gray zone.  I can’t work with uncommitted responses because unsigned contracts don’t hold up in court!

Last week, the manager at Elliott’s Natural Foods actually called me back and left a message saying that the owner is reviewing my information and that he will contact me if he is interested.  I was shocked when I was listening to the message because earlier in the day she promised she would call me with an update.  I couldn’t believe she took the time to make good on her promise – that is very rare. 

Jesus teaches us in Matthew 5:37 to commit to our words.  Words have value so we need to be careful not to throw them around and make promises we don’t intend to keep.

I think most people won’t commit to giving a truthful answer because in our culture rejection is viewed as offensive.  People would rather make empty promises (sin) and lie (sin) instead of offering a truthful rejection.  We have all experienced this.  When you invite someone to Veritas, what is the normal response?  You, like me, probably get someone who gives you a big, heartfelt smile and then they utter something like, “that sounds nice, we’ll have to make that happen.”  Behind their smile they are really saying, “No, no, no, please God, no.”  Wouldn’t it be more respectful if someone would say “thanks for the offer, but that’s just not for me”? 

I can work with a “no” or “yes” response, but not with an intentionally doctored-up, uncommitted response.  The worst responses are the flat out lies.  There are certain business owners that set and later confirm appointments with me and habitually don’t show up (at their own place of business).  The worst time this happened was when I signed an account in LA.  It was our company’s largest account and my boss wanted to welcome them face-to-face so she flew from Portland to LA for a confirmed meeting with the owners.  She had to leave a packet of information at the doorstep of the business because the owner and manager were both MIA.  Both had committed to being there but ended up being “no-shows” as we call them.  Thankfully, my boss had other meetings in LA or else it would have been an even uglier experience.

I know it is difficult to offer rejection (because we want to please people), so I think the answer is found in both truth and grace.  The person extending the offer needs to be gracious enough to receive rejection, and the person receiving the offer needs to be loving enough to give a truthful answer whether it be rejection or acceptance.  So no more gray, uncommitted, squirrelly answers.  Let your “yes” be your “yes” and your “no” be your “no,” because anything beyond that comes from our adversary, the devil.

The Mundane Redeemed: House cleaning and the gospel

The Mundane Redeemed:  Housecleaning and the gospel

This week I was reminded that our redemption in Christ reaches into every last part of our lives.  There is not one dark or dusty corner left untouched by the gospel.  What was once mundane has now become sacred.  Even organizing action figures or cleaning muddy socks.

Housecleaning is blessed, redeemed work.  This week, I realized that by cleaning my house, I have a chance to teach the gospel to my kids.  I am always going on and on to them about responsibility.  We are all about raising responsible men.  However, I was recently reminded that I also need to be in the business of teaching my children a lot of other things, namely, grace.  Last week, when I picked up one of my sons from Kindergarten his teacher said to me, “Brady got a grace sticker today”.  I knew exactly what that meant.  The children get a sticker on their hand before leaving if they did not get their name on the board that day.  Occasionally, Mrs. K will give a “grace sticker”- a sticker on the hand even though the child got their name on the board.  It is her way of helping the children to learn about undeserved grace from Jesus, by way of a very practical example.  She inspired me to find some grace teaching for the kids at home.  Sitting on the floor of my son’s room, tidying up, it hit me.  In that in that very task, I had a way to show the gospel.  Especially, if I did it joyfully.

We try to teach our kids to clean their rooms.  So as not to exasperate them, I do not insist that it be done perfectly.  Usually, the books are shoved in the bookshelves ‘helter skelter’. The toys are thrown into the closest bin in a highly disorganized fashion.  Periodically, I go in and clean the room “Mommy’s way”.  Granted, in my fallen state, the cleaning of my sons’ rooms is partly selfish: a means of indulging  my tendency to be obsessive-compulsive.  But, it is also a way of showing them grace, by blessing them with a clean room that they didn’t clean. In addition, I clean it in a way they could not clean it themselves.  When they arrive home or see that I have done it, they are excited, especially if I set up the super hero figures in a cool action scene or make sure a few Spidermen are hanging from the cords on the blinds.  But, their happiness is not the main point.  Grace is the point.   My big little seven year old and I got to talking about the gospel on the way home from school.  Half way through our conversation, I asked him if he knew why mommy cleaned up his room for him sometimes.  He looked a little disappointed to be moving from the high and lofty topic of penal substitutionary atonement to him being messy.  But, after a minute, he got it! He said that he was messy and he should have to clean it, but Mommy cleans it to show him grace.  What an easy lesson, and no fancy bible curriculum needed!

Christ’s death on the cross “cleaned up my mess” by absorbing the wrath of God that I deserved.  What grace!  He did what I could never do.   So this week I’m blessed, because scrubbing the bathroom, and things of the like, now have gospel meaning.  Off to wash some muddy socks.

Tending Our Crowns

Proverbs 12:4 “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband…”

Last spring, Proverbs 12:4 really came alive to me.  In the past I would read it and think to myself that of course I have an excellent wife because she is a Christian and Jesus automatically makes Christian wives “excellent.”  This verse didn’t convict me or motivate me to tend to my wife in any way.  Shortly after our second son was born, this verse really began to convict me and it has since shined light on a path that I previously neglected.

Thanks to our total depravity, it is impossible to fellow Jesus on our own.  We are absolutely dependent on the Holy Spirit to convict us of sin (John 16:8) and open our eyes to truth (Proverbs 2:6-7, 9-10).  My hope is that by God’s grace this might resonate with some of you and the Holy Spirit might open some eyes as we learn to honor Christ in our marriages.

I have learned that tending to my crown (Erika) needs to be a daily, conscious effort in order for it to be done in a God honoring way.  If you are like me, you often have good ideas on how to let your wife know she is loved, however, these ideas are prone to flee if you don’t write them down and make them happen.  James 1:22 says, “Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.”  Taking that principal, husbands so often “deceive themselves” by not “doing” what they have planned. The typical excuses are usually: 1) I don’t have the money, 2) I don’t know how to put the plan into action (too lazy to make reservations, etc.), or 3) I’m good for now…she knows I love her.

The more I meditate on the fact that my wife is my crown, these thoughts arise:

1)      The better I treat my wife the more lovely she will be.

2)      My wife is a walking, talking display of what kind of a husband I am.

3)      When I neglect my wife, it’s akin to having a dented, tarnished crown atop my head that all can see.

4)      Everything Erika says and does rests as a crown upon my head- even in my absence.

5)      My wife is a gift from God that, like a crown, has been formed only for me.

These truths should motivate us to study our wives.  One of the best ways to study your wife is to take her out on dates where you can talk and enjoy each other.  Some of these dates should be cheap so that you can honor God by living within the means He has provided for your family, and some of these dates should be expensive (budgeted far in advance) so that you can honor your wife by spoiling her with things she loves.

Veritas husbands should often meditate on Proverbs 12:4 and figure out how best we can tend to our crowns.

Pepper Potts, a helper most suitable.

Genesis 2:18 as expressed in Popular Culture: Pepper Potts, a helper most suitable.

The Lord God said, “It is not good for man to be alone, I will make a helper suitable for him.”  Genesis 2:18

Whether or not women at large embrace it, the truth is that it is built in our DNA to help.  If we look around society, we see that in large part women fill the helping professions: nurses, dental hygienists, personal assistants, administrative assistants, nutritionists, and the list goes on.  While the kind of help that a wife will provide to her husband in marriage is quite exclusive to that relationship, we can see from common observation that women everywhere tend to be naturally inclined toward helping roles.  It is a beautiful thing for the  family, the church and  all of society when women, in the context of marriage, take their God-given desire to help seriously- and therefore faithfully, diligently work towards being a Genesis 2:18, “helper suitable” kind of wife.

That said, nearly ten years into my marriage, I felt like I was supremely failing in this role when I was convicted of my need to grow in “helpfulness” while watching Iron Man.  It probably sounds like I am about to make a joke, but I am not.   Gwyneth Paltrow plays Pepper Potts, personal assistant to Tony Stark (who becomes Iron Man).  Miss Potts diligently, faithfully and proficiently helps weapons manufacturer, Tony Stark throughout the movie.  As I watched Ms. Paltrows portrayal of the role of Miss Potts, I thought to myself (no joke- and yes I know I am a total nerd), “Wow, she has purposed to do Iron Man,  ‘ good and not harm all the days of her life’ {Proverbs 31:12}. “

In the occasion of marriage, women ought to consider the biblical calling to “help” a high and holy honor.  In the scriptures, we find many occasions where God, our Creator, is called our helper. Psalm 118: 7 says, “The LORD is with me; he is my helper. I will look in triumph on my enemies.”   Too often I have found myself irritated when Erik needs help of one kind of another.  How sinful and deceived I am in those moments!  I have always been of the “pull yourself up by your boot straps” mentality, (raised by a dad just one generation out of the depression era).  If there is a problem, fix it!  Something disorganized, organize it!  An obstacle, find a way around it!  While at times that sense of determination can serve me well, at other times it can make me uncompassionate, insensitive and unhelpful.  God says that man needs help- and I have been appointed by God to be a helper.  When I entered the covenant of marriage, I was commissioned to embrace the role of “helper suitable”

Check out the following conversation between Miss Potts and Mr. Stark:

Virgina ‘Pepper’ Potts: I don’t think you could tie your shoes without me.

Tony Stark: I’d make it a week.

Virginia ‘Pepper’ Potts: A week, really? What’s your social security number?

Tony Stark: [he pauses]

Tony Stark: Five…

Virginia ‘Pepper’ Potts: [smiling] “Five?” You’re missing just a couple of digits.

Tony Stark: Right, the other eight. Well, I have you for the other eight.

Through out the movie, Pepper handles all sorts of business for Mr Stark, ranging from saving his life, to arranging his travel itinerary.  She is proficient and dignified in carrying out her duties, and it got me thinking, that I ought to see to my duties as a little more like Miss Potts did hers. A ridiculous way to be reminded of a biblical lesson?  Maybe.  But a good reminder, nonetheless.